Twitterpated
by TesubCalle
Summary: A selection of tweets from the final four years of an NCIS agent's life.


A/N:** The final four years in the life of an NCIS agent, as told through a selection of some of her "tweets" posted on Twitter©.**

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**Twitterpated  
**

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**twitterpated **

_An enjoyable disorder characterized by feelings of excitement, anticipation, high hopes, recent memories of interludes, giddiness, and physical overstimulation which occur simultaneously when experiencing a new love. These feelings take over without warning, usually at odd times (such as at a check-out line), with or without the partner present, and make it difficult to concentrate on anything but romance. They interfere with work and safe driving, but should be experienced at least once in every person's lifetime._

- Urban Dictionary

* * *

**2003**

* * *

GITMO, here I come. Hawaii would have been so much nicer, but of course the

gov't wouldn't hold suspected terrorists *there*. :-P

...

Had a look at the Navy website for GITMO. They make it sound like a resort. Not

sure how much horsebackriding I'll get around to. Navy PR!

...

Going to have to convince Luddite senior members of the family to get email. I

heard snail mail out of GITMO really is at a snail's pace.

...

So... any last words of advice any of you former Camp Delta NCIS nterrogators

can offer me before I hop on the plane for Cuba?

...

New tenant has the keys. Stuff is in storage. Everything I need for the length of

my assignment is packed. Is it too late to say NO?

...

Reached Cuba safely. Met some personnel on base. Got a quick tour and was

shown utilitarian living quarters complete with lumpy mattress.

...

Club on base called 'El Floridita'. If they can mix a half-decent Cosmo, I may have to

check it out some time

...

Woke up this morning to find some of the local wildlife sitting quietly in my room.

Apparently iguanas like to wander inside down here.

...

Paula Cassidy's latest rule: When in GITMO, keep your door shut!

...

Gotta love the majorly relaxed dress-code here. Just saw one of the FBI interpreters

walk by in shorts and sandals.

...

Will be briefed on my first interrogation Monday. Sandals & Shorts FBI Guy will sit in

with me. #NCIS & FBI cooperation! Amazing!

...

Spending my first Sunday here writing letters to Luddite senior family members.

They'll get 'em in about 4 weeks. GITMO = slowmail. #ncis

...

1st day on the job. I'll be dealing with a lot of the new, younger detainees. They

apparently respond better to female interrogators. #ncis

...

#littleknownfactaboutme I was born in Toronto. But my parents are American, so no,

I'm not actually a Canadian citizen. #ncis

...

Lumpy mattress has made for some sleepless nights. Reminds me of my years at

Georgetown during the Kyle Boone rampage. *shudder* #ncis

...

Paula Cassidy's latest rule: Never assume anything based solely on appearances.

(I know; sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it?) #ncis

...

Latest rule explained: Asked Shorts&Sandals FBI interpreter why he wasn't praying

during 5x Islam prescribes. Answer: I'm Presbyterian. :-P

...

Shorts&Sandals FBI did laugh it off, though. Says he gets that a lot. He learned his

Arabic at the DLIFLC. #ncis

...

So, that's another #lessonlearned down here at GITMO. Just 'cause they speak Arabic

doesn't mean they carry a Koran. #ncis

...

It's Friday night. What's a girl to do at GITMO? Dancing at El Floridita or review

interrogation notes. Choices, choices! #ncis

...

At El Floridita, Jimmie the Bartender's classic movie knowledge is unsurpassed. Another

point in his favor: he makes a great Cosmo! #ncis

...

#alliwant is a day without iguanas creeping around, men who don't insist on dancing

while drunk, and detainees who cooperate for once. #ncis

...

I think I'll shoot the next guy who says he was picked up and brought here

"by mistake" #ncis

...

On second thought, if I do that, I'll face an investigation back at #NCIS HQ, and mar

a nearly spotless 6-year career. But it is tempting.

...

Poor pick-up line? Someone told me I resemble the female astronaut in the movie

'Armageddon'. I don't see the resemblance. #ncis.

...

They gave our latest detainee a laxative. He's probably still full of %!&, anyway. #NCIS

...

Lost my apt. key & got a new one cut. Not really worried; nothing of value here to

steal, though toilet paper is a hot commodity :-P #ncis

...

#NoYouCant move to minimum security. At least not until you tell us all you know about

your leaders' plots to harm innocent people. #NCIS

...

The next Navy brat who thinks it's funny to *over-emphasize* the "a-s-s" in my

surname is going to get his arm broken! #ncis

...

Ever get that creepy feeling like someone's invaded your space while you were gone?

Nothing's missing, but still... *shudder* #ncis

**...**

Writing fast to finish letters to Luddite family members. A colleague's off to the 'States

*tommorrow* & will mail them for me there. #ncis

...

That's weird. All my interrogations have been canceled & my transcripts have been

pulled. Scuttlebutt says #NCIS HQ is sending people down.

...

PO'd! Majorly! Team comes down from HQ on a Navy Gulfstream and treats me like

some criminal. S. is dead, and I'm a suspect? WTH? #ncis

...

Not to mention being ogled by horny Agent D. Blew any chance when his ba$tard

boss made him search my apartment. Indignation! #NCIS

...

Agent Ba$tard's one redeeming quality? He caught Kyle Boone. Not gonna let on I

know that fact. Don't wanna seem like a suck-up. #ncis

...

Did I mention my letters never got mailed? Got some pathetically cryptic reply when

I asked what happened to S. 'Hard objects' Huh? #ncis

...

Can't even begin to describe the recent, crazy whirlwind of activity at GITMO over

the past 24 hours. #ncis

...

Can't be too specific; mostly involves smuggled emeralds, firing my Sig, averting an

assassination plot and a ride on a Gulfstream. #ncis

...

Result of short trip to #NCIS HQ in DC: Dir. Morrow was kind enough not to fire me;

a movie night w. D.; I'm back at GITMO by Monday.

...

Been back at GITMO for just over 24 hours and I'm feeling jet-lagged. Luxury

Gulfstream vs. cargo plane canvas seats? No contest! #ncis

...

Paula Cassidy's latest rule: Don't shoot suspects unless absolutely necessary.

The paperwork is ridiculous! Tackling might be better. #ncis

...

Paula Cassidy's latest rule: Don't lose your key EVER AGAIN. If you *do* lose your

key, change the friggin' lock, too! #ncis

...

Latest rule explained: my lost key was probably used to gain access to my apt. &

laptop, along with my personal dressing table items. #ncis

...

Asked SA Todd's opinion of SA DiNozzo. Her reply via email: 'Truly pathetic'. Damn.

Not like long-distance relationships work, anyway. #ncis

...

* * *

**2004**

* * *

And now I'm being solicited for free CSI DVDs. Got creeped out one time where

one of the victims could have been my twin - 'Toe Tags'. #ncis

...

So the latest tropical storm has been named 'Paula'. I await the stupid namesake

jokes. Be safe, neighbor Honduras! #ncis

...

Hurricane Paula's strength has diminished, as have bad jokes about my name. I

don't wanna hear the word 'blow' again for a long time. #ncis

...

Buckeyes are trending... Wonder if SA DiNozzo is aware. #ncis

...

Being solicited for CSI DVDs *yet again*. Have officially stopped counting the number

of times Twitterbots can be dyslexic. #ncis

...

Video-conferenced w... #NCIS HQ today. Shared intel w. Ba$tard - I mean Gibbs - &

Dir. Morrow & SA Snyder. Every little bit helps, right?

...

OK, why is a *hotel* in Australia following me? #unfollowmeif you're a spambot,

soliciting for a business, or a pervert. #ncis

...

Word out of #NCIS HQ is something big went down in Autopsy. Something about an

intruder taking the M.E. and SA Todd hostage?

...

I'm hearing now that the M.E.'s assistant & Agent Ba$tard were both shot in #NCIS

HQ's Autopsy and the interloper is still at large. Crazy!

...

Sure, he's a trial to deal with, but I do hope SA Gibbs is OK after taking a bullet like

that. Ditto the M.E.'s assistant, G. Jackson. #ncis

...

Sent SA Todd a quick email. Hope she's also okay after that nightmare of an

experience. Also hope they find the shooter quickly. #ncis

...

Happy to hear serial killer Kyle Boone just exhausted his last appeal w/Supreme Court. Gave

me nightmares back in '95 when he was free #ncis

...

Was supposed to video-conference w. Kate Todd today. She never showed, but

Gibbs did. Been on stand-by ever since. Kinda worried. #ncis

...

caught a quick glimpse of Tony when he walked into MTAC today. SA Gibbs seemed

especially grumpy at the time. #ncis

...

Now I know Gibbs was in a foul mood because Kate was abducted by some terrorists.

Glad they're all okay, though! #ncis

...

We never have a dull moment, do we? My GITMO stint's almost up. Scuttlebutt confirmed:

I'm to be #NCIS AA on the USS Kennedy.

...

I've been exchanging emails with SA Stan Burley re: tips on coping as Agent Afloat.

Thanks, Stan. We'll do drinks when I get into D.C. #ncis

...

Tying up loose ends at GITMO; filing paperwork and other tedious, mind-numbing duties.

2 week vacation, then the USS Kennedy beckons. #ncis

...

I'm wondering if I should look up Agent DiNozzo when I get back to DC from GITMO. I

could be at sea for a while on the USS Kennedy...

...

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm thankful to be back on continental United States

after a 'foreign' assignment at GITMO. #ncis

...

Is also thankful part of my 2 week vacation is being spent seeing (Luddite) family

members. Dinner was great, mom! Back to DC in a few #ncis

...

Why do hotels. always follow me? Um, I'm going to be on a carrier for the foreseeable

future. #unfollowmeif you're not a person #ncis

...

Last night in DC before 'shipping off'. Life is never dull as an #NCIS agent. Life is also

too short, so I'm going dancing tonight!

...

Think I've finally acquired my 'sea-legs'; that and bruised legs. Knee-knockers suck!

My shins are an interesting shade of black&blue. #ncis

...

Why must carriers be so confusing? I must have gotten lost a dozen times already

even after getting pointers from SA Stan Burley. Grr. #ncis

...

It's a very good thing I'm not claustrophobic. People who have major problems with

confined spaces would have jumped overboard by now! #ncis

...

Thnx to Stan I knew to be wary of Safety Officers. Didn't quite prepare me for a certain

Cmndr. who makes an art out of making enemies #ncis

...

So, I'm out at sea on the Kennedy with 5000 men, and no e-mails from SA Tony

DiNozzo... Oh, well. We'd drive each other crazy, anyway. #NCIS

...

Some poor li'l Ensign issued a verbal threat to Cmdr. Pain-in-the-A$$, which is a no-no

in the Navy. Didn't report him for it, though. #NCIS

...

...and why do I have that unhealthy sensation that *not* filing that report on poor

li'l Ensign will come back to bite me in the a$$? #NCIS

...

Contraband, fights, & disciplinary issues. Such is the life of an Agent Afloat, among

other things. I almost miss Guantanamo. Almost. #NCIS

...

Paula Cassidy's latest rule: Don't marry a Safety Officer. Commander Pain-in-the-A$$

is the exemplar in this category of non-options. #NCIS

...

So we're heading back to Norfolk. Cmndr. Pain-in-the-a$$ is very ill & needs a heart

valve replaced. Didn't know he even had a heart. #NCIS

...

Shocker of the day: Cmndr. Pain-in-the-A$$ died early this morning at Bethesda.

Scuttlebutt says he... blew up... in his hospital bed. #NCIS

...

Cmndr. Pain-in-the-a$$'s death of course brought SA Ba$tard's team to the USS

Kennedy. Agent DiNozzo still knows how to play the game. #NCIS

...

I had another unhappy run-in with SA Ba$tard back the Navy Yard. I *knew* not filing

that stupid report would come back to haunt me. #NCIS

...

So, while I sit here tonight stewing in my righteous indignation & ignoring DiNozzo's

calls, poor Li'l Ensign lies dead in the #NCIS morgue.

...

Just sent an email to Kate letting her know she's got my support. Suicide-by-cop

incident w. Li'l Ensign is bound to be difficult. #NCIS

...

New Safety Officer has thus far not seriously ruffled any feathers, making him only a

Slight Pain-in-the-A$$. He's a Non-smoker, too. #NCIS

...

It would kinda suck to have your birthday from like yesterday onwards, wouldn't it?

You'd probably get 1 present for that & Christmas. #ncis

...

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the carrier, not an aircraft was stirring,

not even a Harrier. Merry Christmas, all! #NCIS

...

Yes, I think being on an aircraft carrier has got to be one of the more unique places to

be for #Christmas. Wonder how Santa gets in? #ncis

...

Second Boxing Day in a row that I'm not shopping. (You see, prospects are bleak at the

GITMO Exchange and on a US aircraft carrier...) #NCIS

...

* * *

**2005**

* * *

1 pro about being on a cramped carrier in the middle of the ocean: no shoveling snow!

Ha-ha! I'll take bruised shins over cold anyday. #NCIS

...

Wow. I just realized that Valentines' Day came and went without even me even noticing.

Guess being on a carrier is just that romantic. #NCIS

...

#iwasthekid who played peacemaker on the playground in school and now gets to carry a

gun to make sure grownups behave themselves too. #NCIS

...

#imsinglebecause even on a ship with 5000 men, I don't want to make the same mistake

I made the last time I was with someone... Tony...#NCIS

...

Scuttlebutt's saying there was some kind of bio-attack at HQ. DiNozzo opened some letter

or something; details are scant at this time. #NCIS

...

Finally getting the full story: DiNozzo was quarantined w. Todd over fears of Y. Pestis aka the

Plague; thankfully, they're on the mend #NCIS

...

Good news is that DiNozzo's going to be just fine after his bout with the Plague; Todd never

had it, & no further bio threats present. #NCIS

...

It's tough to be at sea for days like Mother's Day. Mom's not as much of a Luddite as other

family members; sent her an email greeting #NCIS

...

#ifyoumarryme you need to be aware that I sleep with my *own* brand of protection: A

loaded gun. Yes, I've been known to shoot people. #NCIS

...

Yes! Home port in 6 days, finishing up my Agent Afloat duties. Norfolk, here I come. Not sure

what follows yet, but I should know soon #NCIS

...

Countdown: Home port in 5 days - barring an international incident, of course. And SA DiNozzo

wants to take me out when I get into DC. #NCIS

...

Countdown: Norfolk in 4 days. It'll be so good to be on dry land! I've really had enough of

knee-knockers and these cramped quarters. #NCIS

...

Countdown: Norfolk in one day. Can't wait to be back in my own apartment again. And solid

ground... I've had enough of the sea for now #NCIS

...

LAST NIGHT aboard the Kennedy. TOMORROW: Dry land! Aside from *one* unpleasant incident

w. Ba$tard, it's been a fairly good ride. #NCIS

...

We've been placed on high alert & confined to the ship due to some as-yet unspecified threat as

we neared port. Feeling kinda worried. #NCIS

...

Getting reports about a possible attack & a shoot-out going down at the docks? So frustrating

not knowing what the H*ll is happening! #NCIS

...

Getting news that several people are dead including an #NCIS agent. Now I'm really worried.

Can't reach DiNozzo, or anyone from Gibbs' team.

...

I have no words... shock... total and absolute shock now. Finally allowed off the Kennedy only

to hear that Kate Todd has been killed. #NCIS

...

The #NCIS Most Wanted list has just been updated overnight: Ari Haswari. We've lost a great

agent. RIP, Caitlin Todd; we'll get this bastard

...

Rattled. I think that is how all of #NCIS has been feeling this past week. A brazen sniper attack

on Abby's lab by Ari Haswari; no injuries.

...

Gibbs got Ari! Word is the scumbag murderer was waiting to shoot Gibbs in his basement, but

Gibbs got him first. Revenge is sweet! #NCIS

...

They'll be burying SA Kate Todd with full honors in her homestate of Indiana. I won't be there,

but I will be at the #NCIS memorial for her.

...

Kate's also being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom - the highest civilian honor

this country bestows. R.I.P., SA Todd. #NCIS

...

Sending off condolences to the Todd family. Don't want to know what kinda grief they're

going through. I hope my family never has to. #NCIS

...

After cooling my heels, I'm told to report to #NCIS HQ tomorrow for a weeks' T.A.D. with

Gibbs' team. Great. I can smell the fun already. :P

...

First day w. Gibbs wasn't the best day I've ever had as an #NCIS agent. Two words:

Kyle Boone. I think that's all that needs to be said.

...

Not so bad being around DiNozzo, though. I can tell he's still (well, they all are) pretty

cut up about Kate. Bad month for everyone. #NCIS

...

Can't tell you how scary it was in DC when Boone was on the loose in the 90s. They

execute him in the chair in 48 hrs. Deserves worse. #NCIS

...

Palpable sense of evil being on the Boone family farm where we were searching for

more evidence. Can't reveal details, but.. *shudder* #NCIS

...

Gibbs isn't my favorite person in the world since he walks all over you rough-shod,

but he's the guy who got Boone in the first place. #NCIS

...

I'll never actually *tell* Gibbs this, but I owe him for the 1st decent night of sleep I

got when I was at college (when he got Boone) #NCIS

...

So Gibbs transferred The Monster a.k.a. Dead Man Walking a.k.a. Kyle Boone to #NCIS

HQ tonight, which I thought was a pretty pointless move.

...

Trying not to let memories of what Boone did to his victims invade my sleep tonight, or

to think about how grouchy Gibbs is right now. #NCIS

...

1st of all i wanna let everyone know i'm ok. i'm a bit banged-up & typing one-handed,

but fine. i'll try to update a little later, ok? #NCIS

...

thanks for all the messages of concern for my welfare. yes, i was abducted yesterday

by a crazy killer, & yes i did kill him & escape. #NCIS

...

wonderful to wake up to a world where Kyle Boone no longer exists. to echo SA Gibbs'

parting words to the psycho killer: "Enjoy H*ll." #NCIS

...

In spite of recent events and all the risks and dangers involved, I can honestly say

that I am already working at #mydreamjob. Thanks, #NCIS

...

Was summoned to #NCIS Dir Shepard's office today. After inquiring about my health

(I'm fine) she offered me MY OWN TEAM! Said yes, of course

...

A little melancholic on Father's Day as mine is deceased, but on a lighter note, I meet

my new team tomorrow at our new Pentagon digs. #NCIS

...

1st week at my new position. and w. team was great! Working #NCIS counter-terrorism

is challenging, but someone's got to do it

...

* * *

**2006**

* * *

Good God, I haven't been here in ages. The new Pentagon digs & new team have been

keeping me on my toes. I'm loving it, but it is busy #NCIS

...

Working The Hotline on weekends is such a drag, but I suppose someone's got to do it.

Okay, it does have its amusing moments at times. #NCIS

...

Hall & Nelson & I killed ourselves laughing at the guy who called in to report his dog.

Apparently the terrier's a Taliban sympathizer #NCIS

...

Anthony_DiNozzo ;-) How's life? I heard you guys did some nice work at Quantico with

the kid with the suicide vest.

...

There's a reason Jim Nelson can't stop grinning like an idiot today. He 'popped the question'

last night, & his girlfriend said "yes". #NCIS

...

Anthony_DiNozzo Honestly, Tony... who gets the *plague* ? I don't like funerals, and it

would not have been fun going to yours.

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo Gawd... an NCIS agent never thinks she'll end up as a picture in an

evidence file; she only ever hopes to look at evidence.

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo Tampering with evidence is a federal offense, Tony. ;-) Don't worry about it;

I killed the SOB. The photo is meaningless.

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo ;-) You just don't know when to quit do you Tony? What I'm making is

double-time to finish these reports. No time to Skype.

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo I didn't think you had to beg for anything, Tony... And hey, what's up with

this Mossad liaison Dir. Shepard's brought in?

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo Oh, so I guess I *don't* have to worry that this 'Ziva' is stuck with you and

Gibbs? Memo to myself: don't make Ziva mad...

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

Anthony_DiNozzo I'm fine, Tony, thanks for asking. Just been pretty swamped lately. Also

taken on a bit of a home reno, so time's precious.

-In reply to Anthony DiNozzo

...

My team's 1st case now wrapped! A postal worker's family can now be satisfied that his killer

will spend the rest of his life in jail. #NCIS

...

Funny how TV shows seem to solve cases in days. Ha! Been on this one since June, piecing

together evidence to nail a Naval contractor #NCIS

...

It wasn't easy. A murder weapon that was stolen from its original owner; not much of a motive.

But we had good co-op from Norfolk PD. #NCIS

...

Anthony_DiNozzo Heard you ran afoul of the FBI in a 'murder' investigation. Only *you* could

piss someone off enough for them to frame you.

...

It feels a little weird to do so, but we're returning that .38 revolver used in the poor postal

worker's murder to its rightful owner. #NCIS

...

Looking forward to this weekend, because I and the guys aren't fielding calls from kooks on

the Hotline. I'm thinking I'll sleep in. #NCIS

...

I think this was the first Saturday I've spent doing absolutely nothing of importance in a very

long time. Wish I had more like this. #NCIS

...

Team member Jim Nelson set his wedding date for Feb. of next year. He is hoping we don't

land another long case like what we just had. #NCIS

...

Sometimes I wonder if I don't heed my own advice often enough. After all, life is too short not

to do. the things we should, right? #NCIS

...

My options for Halloween seem to always boil down to doctor, lawyer, cop or astronaut. How lame

is that? #NCIS

...

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I'm thankful for my family, my health, my job & my team. Wish I

could be back home, but D.C. will do. #NCIS

...

* * *

**2007**

* * *

I had that *feeling* again last night - the one (to borrow a phrase) where it felt like someone was

walking over my grave. Unsettling. #NCIS

...

Jim Nelson's counting down the weeks until he gets married. Ladies, you have exactly one month

to make him change his mind about her. #NCIS

...

I feel like I should be looking both ways & over my shoulder constantly. Someone "walking on my

grave" feeling happened again tonight. #NCIS

...

Jim's getting married in a few days. To his credit, his mind's still focused on work & not on his

upcoming wedding. Amy's a lucky gal. #NCIS

...

Jim Nelson is back from his honeymoon, and he can't stop showing off pictures. If this is how he

is now, I fear for when he has kids! #NCIS

...

Have I mentioned lately how much FUN it is working the Hotline during the weekends? I know it's

necessary but some 'tips' are SO lame! #NCIS

...

Another weekend of Hotline duty done! Hall & Nelson are happy. At least this time there weren't

any nutjobs suspicious of family pets. #NCIS

...

*gah!* Just when I thought the week couldn't get any longer, I'm by Dir. Shepard told we're on

Hotline Duty *again* this weekend! #NCIS

...

I'm home after Hotline duty. Back at it again tomorrow, & that's all I can say about that, because

such details are kept confidential. #NCIS

...

I woke up this morning wishing that yesterday was a nightmare... But it wasn't. I am not even sure

I can say anymore. #RIPHall&Nelson. #NCIS

...

They say time heals all wounds. I don't know how long it will take to heal the wounds of losing my

team. One year? Two years? 5 years? #NCIS

...

The only suspect in the murder of my team is now dead. I don't know what else to feel or think right

now besides utter rage and guilt. #NCIS

...

They're still going through w. peace conference tomorrow. Don't know why. Not after everything that's

happened. Doesn't feel right. #NCIS

...

...

...

* * *

**END**


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